wickedddddddddddddddd

there's a girl i know, and he loves her so....i'm not that girl.

oh man. i can't wait for next weekend. old friends, new city, wonderful release from life.

how can you honestly think i really don't care? i'm sitting here, asking you, telling you when you want to talk i'm here and you have the audacity to tell me that i don't care? yeah, okay. that's exactly what it is. whatever.

...take it easy and heal...

student health thinks the reason for the lightheadedness and blackouts can be pinpointed to the still swollen head on my shoulders. they think i should take it easy and heal. eff me in the a. this means i cannot workout. sad times. what SHALL i do? arts and crafts? write a novel? my homework is all completed until thursday.
fuckkkkkkkkkkk.

What to say...

When people ask me if I've lost weight, I don't know what to say. Should I tell them yes? or should I hide it? Should I admit as an obese person that I had a problem that I'm trying to fix now?

What to say...

being overweight, you notice the little things. like how towels never manage to fit around your entire body.

i bought a towel right before i left for new york from wal mart and it was the biggest they had. it wasn't big enough. this afternoon, i noticed it does now. that makes me really happy.

it's hard losing weight and it's hard to focus again, but i need to get my head in the game and be serious from now on. no more fucking up.

i need to save my own life.

Here's to the nights
We felt alive
Here's to the tears
You knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name
On the line
Along with place and time
Wanna stay
Not to go
I wanna ditch the logical

Here's a toast
To all those who here me all too well

Here's to the nights
We felt alive
Here's to the tears
You knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go
Don't let me let you go

Here's a toast
To all those who here me all too well

Here's to the nights
We felt alive
Here's to the tears
You knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Too soon
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon...

Loving from the shadows

i think being overweight, i've never really told many of my crushes, mainly because i know the girl who is 5'4'' and 100 pounds will get you over someone like me 99/100 times. which is why, now, here, i will say i am in love with you and no one will ever know. no one will ever know because i know that my best friend loves you too and she will win over me. i am a good person. i can be a good person for you, everything you've ever wanted, but will you ever see that? see me?
until then, i'll continue to love every move you make, every word you utter, every single thing you do and hope that one day you will see me too.

when i first started working out, i used to write my weight in permanent marker on my stomach as a reminder. a reminder that right now, it may be permanent and may be something i want to change, but i have to keep at it and every day it will get better. every day i choose my own destiny. every day i make the decisions that will decide what tomorrow will be like.

what have i done today to make me feel proud?

The goal.

i've lost 40 pounds since thanksgiving. i cannot give this up. i cannot cave. i can do this. i can do this. if i can't have my friends from the midwest now that i'm back in new york, at least maybe i can have this and focus on this.

what have you done today to make yourself feel proud?

As long as you're happy...

I'll do whatever it takes. I'll cheer from the shadows, be there at your first need and never let you down again.

I messed up.
I know that.
I'm sorry.

I wish I could explain myself, never mess up again.
You don't deserve a selfish friend like me.

I'll do whatever it takes to see you happy...even if it means losing you as my very best friend...as long as you're happy, I'm happy.