since arriving in stony brook,i've decided i've changed a lot already.
in iowa, i wanted to socially make everyone happy, and it was a challenge. i had other obligations; hall council, arh, work, you know...but here, i have hall council, and i'm KILLING it. i'm hosting 5 events this semester. as a program coordinator, i'm required to do 3. guess what? i actually WANT TO DO 5! wtf okay. i think i'm on the right track to maybe (MAYBE) being an RA. that would be damn glorious.
academically, i feel like i'm doing great. maybe its because i know spanish is a guaranteed A as long as i keep working en ze SAC, but still. ugh. i'm so damn great.
also, no real humans know anything about my past here, which is glorious because i don't feel the need to tell them at all. i'll continue caring about my ic friends and doing that deal, and still rocking everything else so maybe i'll gain some respect around here! yes please!
another note, my favorite human on the face of the planet, mack, has told me she has finally found an apartment in ic and is signing the lease soon, which in itself is great for her because she needs to get out of the drama in her house and get back dt. however, the best part about it was when she asked me to come stay with her maybe over winter break! no one has ever asked me to do anything like that ever. it's like if things are going shitty for me, i a) call mike to see if demon doesn't have his couch, b) sleep in my car or c) go where the road takes me. i was planning on staying with mike so i didn't even have to address it and so also we could work on it so he can hopefully move by may, but this is way better. having friends that understand and care is way better. unsure what to do about sammy, my bro's gf, though. she's actually kind of nice sometimes, except when she gets anally clean and too uptight. overall though, this is great. i can't believe i have friend who think about me before i mention something to them. ugh yes please for being loved.
final topic of discussion that hasn't made me comfortable much or at all lately is that scotty, my ex-ish best friend from high school, is engaged with the girl he blew me off for. sweet. i can be confident in my actions and my love for my friends and how i show it but still it makes me sad/jealous to see others in love. i wish i could be loved for real for once. i mean, he screwed me over in the shittiest way after i opened up to him and now i'm unsure if i can even find love.
i've been thinking about putting out a craigslist, wutchewthink?
looking for a decent looking, funny, lovable guy who is passionate about loving a quick-witted, outspoken, overweight teenage girl and needs to be loved. weight or looks are never an issue, but more importantly are intelligence, emotional depth and understanding and the drive to love and love life.
unsure. needs work. i need work. if i had work done, i'd be wanted by more people.
god daim. so much work. it's cheaper to just do the work yourself, but sometimes, i just wanna ship it off to the shop and see what others can do to fix me.....
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